"No" Is A Beautiful Word

By Rhee Gold

Taking a stand for the good of yourself and your studio

Sometimes you need to say no! Many of us don’t have the ability—we like to be good people, so when somebody wants us to do something, we say yes without thinking about how it will affect us. Sometimes we sacrifice our own success or happiness.

In their book The Awakened Heart: Finding Harmony in a Changing World, John Robbins and Ann Mortifee write about the ability to say no:

No can be a beautiful word, every bit as beautiful as yes. Whenever we deny our need to say no, our self-respect diminishes.

It is not only our right at certain times to say no, it is our responsibility. For it is a gift to ourselves when we say no to those habits that dissipate our energy, no to what robs us of our joy, no to what distracts us from our purpose. And, it is a gift to others to say no when their expectations do not ring true for us, for in so doing we free them to discover more fully the truth of their own path. Saying no can be liberating when it expresses our commitment to take a stand for what we truly need.

If we find ourselves being inauthentically “nice,” saying yes when we mean no, this can be an opportunity to bring an unwanted fear in ourselves to the light. Through such selfhonesty, we can reclaim our source of personal power, inner joy, and self esteem.

Saying No at the Studio

x      Say NO to the dancer who wants to do a solo—or a second one. Students need to realize that a solo is an honor that they must work to achieve. When they ask for a second solo, explain that they need to be focused on the one they already have to make it the best it can be. If you encourage four dancers who want a solo to come together as a group, it will be one lesson per week and not four. You may have just saved yourself three valuable hours per week. Plus, with fewer pieces to choreograph, you may find that the overall quality of your dance-making improves.

x      Say NO to 12 Nutcracker performances; cut it down to 4. You will sell out the house and may even have time to spend the holidays with your family and friends.

x      Say NO to participating in four or five competitions per season. Instead, choose a couple of events that will offer your dancers the best education. The extra stress of doing several competitions per season takes a toll on you, your staff, students, and their parents. Go back to making competition a fun thing, not a pressure thing. Replace some of the competitions with lower-stress options, such as local performances for charities or at shopping malls, which require less preparation and fewer individual numbers. They’re an excellent way to provide your students with performance opportunities and promote your studio at the same time. 6 Say NO to dancers participating in 15 competition numbers. Working as a team to create four to five excellent pieces of choreography will make you and your faculty more creative, and you will probably score higher as a result. Parents will spend less money on costumes, entry fees, and transportation, and you and the parents will enjoy the experience more!

x      Say NO to the parent who pressures you to give their child something you know he’s not ready for. You know in your gut whether or not a child is ready for something. If not, you must be able to give the child’s parents a well thought- out explanation, in a friendly and positive way. If we present legitimate reasons in an objective way, more than likely the parent will understand—and maybe even appreciate the fact that you won’t allow a child to perform before he’s ready simply so that you can make money.

x      Say NO to being at the studio six or seven days a week. Once you have built a studio that is operating six or seven days a week, be proud. However, understand that the size of this business means you must let go and let others assume some of the responsibility. Constantly work with your team of employees to create a clear understanding of the way you need things done. Then allow them to do it and make time for you to do what’s important to you and your family.

From The Complete Guide to Teaching Dance, by Rhee Gold. ©2004 Rhee Gold.