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Ask Rhee Gold
Dance educators seek advice about teaching issues
Hello Rhee,
I just finished reading the article “Stellar Reputation” [August 2006]. The section that discussed students leaving really hit home with me. I am co-owner of a school; my role is the business side and my partner is the dancer/teacher.
One of my closest friends has a daughter who was one of our strongest dancers and had been with us since we opened. She was also on our competitive team. My friend would occasionally comment to me about what my partner did or didn’t do that she did not like. It always made me feel uncomfortable and disloyal to my partner. Finally I told her that if she wasn’t happy with how my partner is doing things, she should go directly to her. Her complaints made me feel uncomfortable [because] my partner is not my employee; she is my equal and my good friend. My friend apologized and even called me to apologize a second time.
Soon things cooled between us and I felt like I couldn’t talk to her or trust her any longer. Then another parent told me that she had heard that my friend’s daughter was not returning to our school next year; she had auditioned for a competitive dance group at another school, which I had had no idea about. When I asked my friend if both rumors were true, she simply said yes.
When I asked why, she said it wasn’t against me or my partner or my business but that her daughter needed something different. I was upset to the point of tears and I’ve had a difficult time since. I thought there was loyalty in this business. Your article states that we should be pros and wish them luck and go have a glass of wine. I wish I could do that and just forget. I’m not sure why my friend’s daughter left, but my gut tells me it had something to do with our conversation. It hurts more because she wasn’t the one to tell me.
Our children and husbands had been friends as well, but the relationship has been severed by all involved. My husband says they aren’t our friends if they could do this. I feel betrayed personally, but I also worry about my business reputation. If a friend of the owner leaves the school, then what does that say about the school? On the positive side, our academy is growing. I’m trying to get over it and move on, but we live in a small community, and people talk. It has made me regret opening our academy. I don’t want all our hard work to be in vain. How do I become the pro and just say, “Good luck,” and go home and drink that glass of wine?
—Joan
Hi Joan,
Several thoughts come to mind. You need more confidence in who you are and what you have accomplished with your school. And your husband is right! Your friend may have been your friend, but you weren’t hers. Think about it. Would a genuine friend really put you on the spot by speaking negatively about your business partner? Would she decide to take her daughter to another school without telling you? Could it be that she thought that being your friend would be an advantage for her daughter at dance school?
We have control of our emotions or reactions to particular situations; it’s my belief that no one can upset us unless we choose to react that way. You’re feeling betrayed, hurt, and insecure, yet your friend may be feeling none of those emotions. So who is worse off here? The person who didn’t do anything wrong or the person who did it all wrong?
Your business is growing; you’re no longer listening to negative talk about your business partner (your true friend), and among many other things, you’ve got a smart husband! Hold your head high—you are a successful person and a loyal friend and you did nothing wrong. Let this go! I know it’s easier said than done, but you’ve given this enough attention.
—Rhee
Dear Rhee,
I have a dilemma that I hope you can help me with. My competition ensemble offers two options. One is called “Classic” and the other “Company.” The main differences between the two are ability and dedication, and of course the requirements also differ.
I have a talented student who is in the Company level, which is for the more dedicated dancers. Last year she had a stressful season for lots of reasons, both in and outside of the dance school, and she does not want to compete this year. This means that I would have to create competition choreography without her, though she could be an understudy. However, I may have to add her into some of the pieces for the school’s end-of-the-year performances.
Also, she wants to take the Company-level jazz class, which requires a minimum of five hours of instruction each week, including two ballet classes. But she only wants to take four classes per week, which does not meet the requirement for her level, whether or not she competes.
How can I get her to move to the Classic program, which requires less commitment? I think she perceives that moving to the lower level is beneath her. Am I fighting a losing battle?
—Deanna
Hi Deanna,
It’s not a losing battle, but you might need to change your perception about why a particular child chooses to dance. My first thought is to let her take the classes she wants. If she’s not going to compete, then why does she have to meet the requirements? If she doesn’t compete, she’s not breaking the rules. She’s simply taking classes because she wants to dance. Personally, that’s the type of student I most like to teach.
At my brother’s school, several students who don’t want to or are unable to make the commitment to the intensive program are allowed to take class with those dancers. They are at a level where they should be training with those students and shouldn’t be denied the opportunity. So for them there are no rules or requirements.
It sounds like this student simply needs a break. We all come to that place in our lives here and there. If you don’t give her that break, she may end up quitting dance altogether. You need to think out of the box on this one.
You don’t have to add her to the choreography for the shows. She made the choice not to be in the choreography, so you should not feel obligated to re-create it in order to put her in the show. If there is some choreography that needs a fill-in at show time, then she might do that, but she’s making the choice to simply take class without performing, and that is her decision.
Another thought: Some of the classes for your competition dancers should be technique classes only and not include any choreography. Students must take technique classes all year long to maintain a continual learning process.
Although I believe competition is a good thing, it’s not right for everyone. Many students don’t want to make the commitments required to compete but still want to dance. If advanced classes are limited to those who want to compete, that sends the message that competition is the only reason to dance. And then we’ll lose the students who simply have a passion to dance.
—Rhee
Dear Rhee,
I need some suggestions on how to get students to smile and really perform their dances. I’ve talked until I’m blue in the face about having to perform the dance, not just do the steps, and how it’s our job to entertain the audience. I’ve encouraged them to have showmanship and stage presence, but I get nothing. They are good dancers and enthusiastic, but they won’t show it onstage. I don’t know if it’s because of nerves or because they feel uncomfortable smiling while dancing.
I don’t know how to impart this much-needed skill to my students. I tell them to smile in rehearsal and before they go onstage, and they start out with a smile but then it fades away. I’ve been setting up more community performances for them to get them more used to the stage. I see students from other studios who smile and perform well. Is there a secret to teaching this that I don’t know about?
—Hanna
Hi Hanna,
There are many reasons why kids don’t feel comfortable “selling” onstage. In many cases, especially with teenagers, it has a lot to do with personal inhibitions or lack of confidence. If they’re intimidated, and the whole class feels that way, they’ll be reluctant to break out of the mold for fear their classmates might make fun of them. One way to deal with this is to bring older dancers who know what you’re talking about into the class to do their thing. If the younger dancers see them smiling and decide it’s cool, then they may follow suit.
Another reason is that they might be nervous about remembering their choreography. Eliminate that possibility with lots of rehearsals, including some facing away from the mirrors.
Sometimes the students simply don’t know how to do what you’re asking. The best way to solve this problem is by exposing them to other dancers who know how to sell their choreography. It becomes easy for competitive dancers because if they don’t sell, then they don’t score well. Even if your students don’t compete, it might be a good idea to take your students to a competition to see exactly what you mean when you say, “Smile!” Other options are taking field trips to see professional shows— there’s nothing like a good Broadway show to inspire dancers and offer them a better understanding of what the showbiz part of dance is all about. These students need to see that selling the choreography is a huge part of performing. Keep smiling!
—Rhee
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Copyright 2006 Goldrush Magazine, a division of the Rhee Gold Company and Gold Standard Press, LLC. Goldrush Magazine and Goldrush Online is published twelve times annually. No contents of Goldrush Magazine and Goldrush Online may not be duplicated in whole or in part without permission of the publisher. Inclusion in the Goldrush does not imply endorsement by Goldrush or its employees
