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Ask Rhee
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Dance educators seek advice about teaching issues
Dear Rhee,
I have a fifteen year old who committed to do a small group.
After one rehearsal, she was diagnosed with a knee condition
and she and her teacher mutually decided to replace her
because she couldn’t get through the choreography. There is
really only one girl to ask who can do the number, someone who
is not even on the team, but she agreed to do this one number
so the choreography can remain the same. There is now a $200
costume that has to be paid for. Who should pay for it? Any
advice would help.
—Louisa
Hi Louisa,
My first
instinct is that the new girl who replaced the hurt one should
pick up the expense for her costume, like the other members of
the group. But the question is whether that was her
understanding when she agreed to fill in. If not (I hate to
say this), you’re probably going to have to absorb it.
Probably not the answer you wanted to hear, but in hindsight
it would have been a good thing to have talked about when you
approached her to substitute.
—Rhee
Dear Rhee,
I am in the third year of owning my studio and I am having a
very hard time this year with it. I know everyone always says
you have to develop a “tough skin” for this business, but I am
just not the type of person that can take things and move on.
I have worked very hard to create a great atmosphere in my
studio and I believe I really had the right attitude about it
from the beginning. I worked for someone else previously whose
studio operations were a nightmare, so I wanted to do it right
when I opened.
My studio offers both recreational and competitive training
which I give equal time and attention to. My recreational
dancers are good kids and overall have nice parents. My
competitive dancers are extremely talented and have done very
well in the past few years, although I’ve had to ask several
to leave in these few years due to overbearing parents and
other circumstances.
As a studio last year, we had a great year and I felt
fantastic after our showcase in June. Parents were happy and
spreading the word, kids were great and enjoying themselves,
and I was very proud of how our small business was growing.
This year has really taken a turn for the worse. I have had a
lot of trouble with my senior competitive dancers and their
parents. A lot of the recreational dancers seem to be losing
interest in dance and want to pursue other avenues (which is
natural), but the main reason I am writing to you is because I
am just so unhappy with my business right now and am not sure
what to do. I am losing the interest to want to teach, and
feel hurt by some of the broken relationships that have
resulted in the studio. As I said, I am not t he kind of
person that can just deal with bad situations and move on. I
feel for each and every one of my students and have special
bonds with them.
The other issue with the studio is that my mother is my
business manager and in the past this has caused a lot of
stress for the both of us. It is extremely hard to have your
mother running and controlling the business aspect of the
studio but she does also play a big role in the studio as a
whole. Unfortunately our relationship has suffered from us
trying to mix personal and business lives. I guess I don’t
feel like the business is really “mine” and feel as though a
lot of my decisions have to be run through her first.
I spend each day waiting for the next to come so the year will
go by quickly and I can leave this. I am very sad about the
direction the studio is going since it has done so well in the
past. I don’t know if this is something everyone goes through
at some point
or another but I cannot imagine spending another year like
this. I love dance and it really is my whole life. I would
hate to not be involved in it somehow but maybe I am not meant
to be a teacher and studio owner. I have lost a lot of trust
and faith in people. I would possibly like to pursue other
careers but this is all I know.
Can you offer any advice on where I could possibly turn? I
will not let my dancers down and want to make sure they have a
great rest of the year regardless of how I am feeling right
now. I just feel so lost.
—Hannah
Hi Hannah,
First, you
obviously have done a lot of things right. Three years into
it, you’ve established a successful competitive program and
you understand the value of the recreational dancer. Both
signs of a leader who knows what she’s doing. Now to address
the issues.
1) If you
don’t feel like the business is yours because you have to run
everything by your Mpm, then you have to make some sort of
change. It is good to have a sounding board, but in the end
you have to be the one making the decision. There are things
that you should be able to do or make happen without
consulting your Mom. Feeling the way you do, the personal
relationship will only deteriorate because you’re at the point
where you will notice everything that seems like interference,
even if it’s not. It’s time to have a heart to heart with your
Mom, tell her what you’re feeling. If she considers it an
insult or doesn’t understand your feelings, it may be time for
her to step away—for the sake of preserving the mother
daughter relationship. If she does understand, then it’s
probably time to make written job descriptions for both of
you, leaving you with the right to make the decisions you feel
are best. This is not an easy place to be in, but better to
try to do something right now than to wait.
2) You need
to take a look at what the issues are with the senior
competitive dancers and their parents. What’s the reason
things seem out of control this year, as opposed to the
previous years? Are you too lenient with them? Do you stand by
your policies or do some (who pressure you enough) get to miss
certain rehearsals or classes while others don’t? Are the kids
in the studio too many hours? Does the program seem expensive
to the parents? Is it time to sit down with the dancers and
their parents to discuss these issues and others? Sometimes
the bad “stuff” leads to a learning experience for you. With
only three years under your belt, maybe there are lessons to
be learned from your current situation that will make you
better down the road.
3) As for
the recreational dancers, what is the root of their lack of
enthusiasm for dance? Have you or the teachers who work with
them lost some of your enthusiasm (because the kids can feel
it if you have)? Yes, some will lose interest and move on to
other great adventures, but if they love the school, teacher,
and class, most will stick with it. This is a very fickle
group, so it’s hard for me to offer solid advice, but if it’s
enthusiasm that’s lacking, it may have to do with the way
you’re feeling about the “whole” school that is having an
effect.
4) If you
spend every day waiting for the next one, so the year will go
by quickly (which I can relate to, sometimes), then you may
not be in the right place, but it may not be that you
shouldn’t have the school. It could be that you need to step
back a bit to evaluate what the negative stuff is and what the
positive stuff is. Figure out how to improve or change the
negative and pat yourself on the back for the positive.
However, always waiting for the next day, month, or year to
come means that you are not living in the moment, and enjoying
and appreciating the good stuff that does happen every day.
Consider
this an opportunity to make change in your life. Talk with
your Mom, figure out what’s making the senior students and
their parents so hard to deal with, and see what you can do to
get that enthusiasm going with the recreational students. But,
most importantly — give yourself the time it takes to figure
out what’s going to make you happy.
I find that
when I feel like everything’s closing in on me, and I see it
all with negativity, then that’s the way it is, and when I
look for the “good stuff” I feel much better. It all depends
on how we choose to look at it. I learned one thing a long
time ago — no one person and no situation can make us unhappy.
It is us who actually make the choice to be unhappy. We can
control how we react to all situations by choice. There is a
book called Happiness is a Choice by Barry Neill
Kaufman that is excellent. Not the easiest read, but very
enlightening. You might want to check it out.
Always
remember the bad stuff takes us in new directions that we
might never have gone in. Life is a constant learning process
for sure!
— Rhee
Dear Rhee,
I’ve owned my school for 28 years, always maintaining at least
a small growth every year except for the last three years. Our
enrollment is down 15% this season; most of the decrease is in
preschool and recreational programs. The real frustrating part
is that our school participates in several dance competitions
with many of the schools in our area and we always come out on
top. If we can do so well at the competitions, why aren’t we
attracting students from those other schools? We have a
reputation for being the best school in town, yet our
enrollment continues to decline. Some of my best advanced
students are teaching the preschool and recreational classes.
These teachers consistently win high score awards, so I
consider them some of the best dancers around. But, we’re not
bringing many new students into their classes. What am I doing
wrong?
—Ruth
Hi Ruth,
When you
market your school, are you focusing on the competition, your
winners, and the trophies? Or are you saying you offer the
most professional training? All of these things are fine
accomplishments, but the market for the dance school
is moms of 4- to 12-year-old children. This segment
can be scared off by the most professional school or
competitive programs. Their perception is a once-a-week dance
lesson and a recital at the end of the year.
The
lifeblood and future of any school lies in the preschool and
recreational dancers; these students need to feel that they
are just as important as the most advanced kids. Another thing
to consider— being the best (teenage) dancer does not
automatically translate into being a good teacher. My opinion
is that preschool children shouldn’t be taught by teenagers,
but by adults with a background in preschool education.
Do all of
your teachers have enthusiasm for each child, no matter what
the child’s skill level is? Do they walk into a beginner class
with as much enthusiasm as they would the most advanced or
competitive students? Competition helps to build great dancers
who can win awards, but those awards are not going to help you
bring in the students we all need to survive.
—Rhee
All
correspondents’ names have been changed or deleted to protect
their privacy. Please send your concerns to goldrushdance@aol.com
or
Goldrush,
P.O. Box 2150, Norton, MA 02766. They will be answered as time
allows.
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