Ask Rhee Gold

Dance educators seek advice about teaching issues

Dear Rhee,

I have always hired a professional videographer for my recitals. He requested that I make it official by stating to parents and family that there will be no videotaping (except by him) allowed during the performance. I agreed and put this information in our recital handbook (with the understanding that parents can videotape the dress rehearsal). All heck broke loose with several parents. So I made an agreement with the videographer that when parents purchased a performance videotape in advance, they would be allowed to videotape the performance themselves. (They would receive a brightly colored tag to hang from their camera during the recital, which was to be visible at all times.) This would allow them to get closer shots of their children’s performances. I thought this would settle the issue, but I received a note from a parent complaining that she shouldn’t have to buy something she’s not interested in. She argued that she spends enough money on classes, costumes, and pictures and does not want to pay for a video of the whole recital when she only wants her child’s performance.

Please note that in a town of about 11,000, I have 400 students and charge $35 per month (which includes a recital fee) for a one-hour class. The videos are $25 per show or $40 for two shows. How can I handle this situation in a smart way?

 —Cathy

Hello Cathy,

First, let me tell you that your policy of allowing parents to videotape the dress rehearsal but not the recital is what most school owners do. The catch in your situation is that you are trying to implement a new policy with clients who have been doing it another way for a long time. That’s not always easy to do. New clients will accept your policy and eventually it will be widely accepted, but that doesn’t resolve this year’s dilemma.

You might try explaining to the parents that you want to take the recital up a notch, making it more professional by eliminating the distraction of parents videotaping during the show. You might point out that because parents can videotape their children at the dress rehearsal, they will have a record of their performance. Who would know whether a video or photograph was taken at the recital or the dress rehearsal, and why should it matter? After all, the child is in costume and onstage.

Another point: Your recital isn’t about any one child; it’s about all 400 of the children in your show. You’ve made the choice to offer parents a professional video of their children made by an experienced videographer. Because no parent is forced to purchase the tape, I don’t think you’re being unreasonable.

Unfortunately, you’ve caved in on your new policy by making an exception to the “no cameras in performances” rule for those who purchase the tape. When you do this, your clientele can interpret it as the opportunity to push for more. They already know you’re nervous about the policy because you made an exception. I’d stick to the rules you’ve established right now. Then, next year, enforce the policy with a clear and concise reason why you’ve instituted it.

As far as what you charge for lessons and videos, you’re actually below the national average but probably right on track for your area. Always remember that many parents believe that teaching dance is a nice hobby but not something that someone should make a living at! You need to have confidence in who you are and how you want to run your school. To have 400 kids enrolled in your studio in a community of 11,000, you’re definitely doing something right!

—Rhee

 Dear Rhee,

I am pooped and feel like quitting this business. I first started 17 years ago because my two girls needed a ballet studio to go to and there were none in the area. My youngest daughter graduated four years ago and now is graduating college. She shows no interest in taking over the studio and I guess I have lost my love for it because I think she wants to move on and get a job out in the world for the first time.

I have been through a lot this past year: a lawsuit with a studio neighbor (which we won); starting a company for the dedicated students; taking a trip to Jamaica with 125 people; presenting the May show in a theater instead of in a high school; and hiring two grads and offering benefits for the first time. I am still teaching 36 classes a week and putting in around 75 hours a week. It seems the studio is growing faster than I can keep up with, and I am exhausted with trying to keep it organized like my customers are used to. I am seriously considering selling it all and walking away. I am 52 and have been in business for 17 years, and not one year has been calm. This is a really tough job and I am growing weary of it all. Am I getting too old or what? I feel so overwhelmed and down. Help, please, Rhee.

—Bonnie

Hi Bonnie,

I’m sorry you feel the way you do. You mentioned that you started the school because you wanted your daughters to have classical ballet training. It sounds like you expected one or both of your daughters to take over the school or become part of the business someday; perhaps part of your frustration is due to the fact that they don’t want to do that. It’s not unusual. I’ve seen many dance teachers lose their steam when their children grow up and move on to find their own niche in the world. I think my mom was frustrated with the same thing at times. My brother, Rennie, and I had our own aspirations, and my mother found herself running a large school alone. I think she always expected that we would take over or become her partners. What’s funny is that Rennie did end up with the school many years later, but first he needed to do what he wanted to with his life. If you think that this is part of your frustration, then it may be time for a change. You need to do what’s going to make you happy.

With all the changes you’ve made and the hours you work, you have a right to be exhausted, frustrated, and insecure about how you’re going to continue to manage it all. You have no choice but to get through this season. Then it may be time to reevaluate. Could it be time to take in a business partner to take on some of the responsibility? Could it be time to cut out some of the activities or put a halt to any new projects? Or, as you said, could it be time to sell the business? You need a clear head to make the right decision. Although I don’t regret selling my business and changing my life, I do wish that I hadn’t been so emotional and I regret that I wasn’t more business minded in my decision. Think it out, and then think it out again before you do anything drastic.

You are not too old—you’re overwhelmed! But the good thing is that your business is growing, which is a sign of a successful leader. Obviously you’ve been doing something right. Now you have to look for the good things in your school and your life while you figure out how to use your success to make your future more enjoyable. Make a list of all the school-related things you love to do, and then make a list of what you don’t like or want to do. Once you know what those things are, you may have a better idea of how to head into the future. Remember, change is a part of life. Sometimes it feels hard (to say the least), but once it happens we often find ourselves wondering why we didn’t do it long ago.

I hope this helps, and I wish you all the best.

—Rhee   

 Send your questions and comments to Goldrush, P.O. Box 2150, Norton, MA 02766 or gold5678@aol.com    

They will be answered as time allows.