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Thinking Out Loud
By Debbie Werbrouck
What Could It Hurt?
Helping students is what dance teachers do. We help them learn
movements and steps, solve problems, and gain confidence. We
help parents too, to understand what their children are
learning and how they can be supportive without being
intrusive. We become known as people who can make all things
right. What happens then, when a customer asks you to do
something that is not true to your ethics? That’s when your
values are tested. I recently had just such an experience.
At my school we acknowledge our students’ accomplishments in
various ways. One award we give is for five years of
continuous study at our school. Because of past
misinterpretations, we explain in detail in our information
and policy packet that this recognition is given only to
students who have completed five full, continuous years
of study. Each year we post a list of those to be recognized
so that students and parents can double-check our findings.
Often when students think they are eligible, they either
miscounted or started in a January session and are one
semester short.
In this instance, we received a call from a mother who had
added her child’s name to the list. After confirming her
enrollment date, I had sent her a nice letter explaining that
her child had started in January and was a semester short of
her five years. The mom said that she knew that but thought it
was “close enough.” She said that she was so upset when she
got the letter that she had to wait before she called us and
that her daughter would be “devastated.”
My office manager explained how we verify the length of study
and emphasized that her daughter would receive the award the
next year. She also suggested that although the girl might be
disappointed, both the parents and teachers could explain the
situation in a positive way that she would understand and
accept. She even suggested several ways in which the parents
could help their daughter celebrate her accomplishments until
she did reach this goal.
The mom was very upset and hung up. Within minutes, the dad
called and asked to speak with me. I did the most important
thing that can be done with any customer: I listened. I told
him that I understood how he felt and that I was very sorry
for any confusion that might have occurred.
That’s when it happened. In a “good old boys” manner, he said
that he and his wife knew that their daughter hadn’t completed
the actual time, but she was only 8 years old and was really
looking forward to the award. He apologized for his wife
losing control on the phone, but said he knew I could just
“give his daughter the recognition anyway.” After all, he was
a paying customer. And what would it hurt?
I explained that what students learn in dance goes far beyond
steps and movements. One of the reasons that the five-year
recognition is important is because students learn about
commitment—and they know they have earned recognition for that
commitment. Since the daughter knew she was short on the
required time, she would also know that she was receiving the
recognition before she had earned it.
The dad responded by saying that if I didn’t give the girl the
award they would pull her out of the school and tell everyone
how terrible we were. I knew that this was indeed a
possibility. No one likes to lose a student or be faced with
bad PR. What should I do?
I talked with the dad as politely as possible and tried to be
empathetic while stating my position. I followed up with a
letter telling the parents how much we enjoyed having their
daughter in class. I told them why we give recognition to
students for their accomplishments and how we try to teach
life lessons and values in our school. I reminded them that we
have been doing this for a long time and that part of the
reason they had chosen our school was because of our
reputation and integrity. Giving recognition that was not
earned would not be fair to their daughter or to the dancers
who did fulfill the requirements. In the end, I said,
by doing what they asked, I felt that I would lose their
respect.
Did I do the right thing? I think so. An unearned award has no
value and would be quickly forgotten. But an award that was
anticipated and earned provides a feeling of accomplishment
that will long be remembered. Likewise, had I given the award,
the parents might have felt that they had pulled one over on
me, or that we didn’t put much value on our word. The
recognition would be just another of the meaningless, unearned
“awards” that are so often given to children, who will grow up
wondering why the world isn’t more accommodating to their
wishes.
Will the word get out? Probably. And when it does, people will
know that we treat all of our students with the same
guidelines and respect. Whether or not they agree with our
policies and decisions, they will know that our word can be
trusted. I can live with that.
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