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 Question
of the Month
What’s the best way to handle my concern over a dance
teacher’s comments regarding young children’s weight?
Q:
I am the
mom of an 8-year-old daughter, Taylor, who has been dancing
since she was three. For the past couple of years, she has
been involved with a performing group that competes a couple
of times a year. Taylor lives to dance, spending many hours at
the studio and practicing all the time. I completely support
her drive to dance, because I can see the benefits she has
gained through the process, and a lot of those benefits aren’t
about the dance class but the things every parent wants for
their kids, including dedication, hard work, positive
self-esteem, and more. With all that said, I have a huge
concern. Last week was “watch week” at the school. After
class, Taylor’s teacher sat all the kids down to say, “This
year you all will be wearing a midriff top, so those of you
who are a bit on the chunky side better do something about it,
fast!” She added, “It may be time to start doing some sit-ups
and stop eating fast food and sweets.” Taylor will look fine
in a midriff, but there are some other girls in her class that
will not. I was very disturbed by what Taylor’s dance teacher
said to a group of 7- and 8-year-old children. I don’t think
they should be worrying about their waist lines at their age,
especially since what they eat is likely controlled by their
parents for the most part. Many of these kids still have their
baby fat, and have probably never thought about whether they
are too heavy or not. The following morning, I found Taylor
bending from side to side looking into the mirror, pinching
the tiny bit of skin that appeared at her waist when she did
so. She turned to me with a worried look and said, “Mom, am I
fat?” I assured my daughter that she wasn’t, but I was crushed
to think that she’s eight years old and she’s even thinking
about that. What makes this worse is that I have a sister with
an eating disorder and I know first hand the misery that it
can bring on an entire family. What should I do? I don’t like
to criticize or be one of those complaining moms, and in most
cases I think Taylor’s dance teacher is an excellent role
model, but I completely disagree with her approach to this
issue.
—
Rhonda
A:
I agree with you! No 8-year-old child should be worrying about
whether they’re too fat. I’m afraid Taylor won’t be the only
kid in her class looking in the mirror wondering if they’re
the “chunky ones” their teacher was talking about. In most
cases, I believe that parents need to trust their child’s
teachers, but in this circumstance, I do think you should open
your mouth. Call Taylor’s teacher to make an appointment to
talk. It should be just the two of you; explain your personal
history with your sister and the difficulties her situation
has brought on her and the rest of your family. Tell her about
the mirror incident and ask her why she thinks it’s so
important for 7- and 8-year-old children wear a midriff
costume. Hopefully she will change her mind about the
costuming and she will realize that her words to your
daughter’s class were harmful. If she gets upset with you or
somehow defends her actions, then it’s time to take Taylor to
a different school. No question! As far as I’m concerned, your
daughter’s dance teacher is planting the seed for eating
disorders and self-esteem issues among her students. In my
mind it doesn’t matter how great the teacher is or how many
awards her students have won, she is doing an injustice to her
students and our profession.
—Rhee
Gold
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