Kevin Salisbury is a dad. Specifically, he’s a dance dad—he’s got three daughters who dance at the competitive level, so he knows the ropes. He can deal with the hours of classes, the weekends consumed by one competition or another. What he finds difficult is watching how some parents put pressure on their children, living their lives vicariously through their successes and failures. And while such behavior probably bothers many a parent in the dance world, it irks Salisbury more than most—after all, he spends his days immersed in sport psychology.  He hates to see the mental and emotional benefits of dance compromised by teachers and parents who, often with good intentions, send their students or children the wrong message.

 

A former university-level swimming coach, Salisbury is assistant director of athletics at the Community College of Rhode Island. “The mind, and how it can assist in performance in any venue, has always intrigued me,” says Salisbury, who has taught courses in general psychology, athletic performance enhancement, and student success for the past six years. He sees distinct parallels between the sport and dance worlds. “The dancer and the athlete are very similar in how they approach their performance.  Dance is similar to some of the more technical sports, such as golf,” he explains.  “The mental aspect for both disciplines focuses on teaching the mind to think in ways that can enhance performance. Like in sports, the skills of goal setting, concentration, attention control, relaxation, and arousal-performance relationships can assist the dancer in performance.” Most important, he points out, is a person’s work ethic. “It’s nice to have talent, but to be excellent at what you do it’s necessary to have a good work ethic. To have both is a gift.”

 

Salisbury’s daughters—Kaitlyn, 14, Jessica, 12, and Rachel, 10—have been dancing for a combined total of 12 years, and he has seen positive changes in them as a result of their training. “Of course there are health and physical benefits. But I also see them having more fun, meeting people and making new friends. They’re more at ease socially—their self-confidence has increased and they’re better at managing their time.” An immeasurable benefit, he says, is developing an appreciation for the arts. “The education that dancers receive from their art is unmatched by most other disciplines.”

 

Salisbury advocates a healthy mental attitude toward dance, particularly in the realm of competition, on the part of all involved.  Effective communication is vital to maintaining a healthy perspective; therefore he likes to see parent/teacher conferences used as a means to clarify roles. “The roles of the dance teacher, dancer, and parent must mesh to create a positive experience for all involved,” says Salisbury.  “The teacher’s role is to prepare dancers technically and motivate and guide them toward personal growth.” He explains that competition can be damaging to a dancer who is not prepared for it. “Teachers need to communicate with the dancer about every aspect of competition, the good and the challenging.”

 

As for parents, Salisbury continues, “their role is to love and support their children no matter what. It would be beneficial to all involved for the parent to separate who their children are from how they perform on the stage. They are not their performances! And dancers must respect those people in their lives who pass along wonderful information, whether they’re guiding them to a decision or teaching them a pirouette.”

 

It’s easy to define a role, but knowing how to fulfill it can be more difficult. It’s critical, Salisbury says, that teachers enjoy what they do. “Have fun! Make your vocation your vacation. A good coach must be enthusiastic, patient, persistent, caring, tough but fair, understanding of human nature, and able to motivate people.” He cautions teachers to treat each dancer individually.  “Not all dancers are in dance for a lifetime!” He prefers to emphasize positive behavior (“Be prepared!”) rather than telling teachers what not to do, but he does have some caveats: “Don’t focus on just a few dancers.  Don’t humiliate any person in front of others. And don’t do it for the money.”

 

The former coach cautions parents against getting too involved with their children’s dancing.  “Parents must realize that every child has a right to participate in an activity or sport—and that means they also have the right not to participate. Too many parents force their children into an activity, which may cause the child to dislike it.” Of course, all parents identify with their children to some extent. But when they become too involved, the child becomes an extension of the parent. “It’s called the ‘reversed-dependency trap,’ “ Salisbury explains. In such cases, he continues, “parents define their own self-worth through their child’s successes or failures.”

 

How can parents tell when they’re too involved? Answering yes to any of these questions means it’s time to back off: Does enjoying your Saturday afternoon depend on whether your dancer earned a gold medal or won a dance competition that morning? Do you find yourself lying awake at 3 A.M. wondering whether your child will be the star in the upcoming dance competition? Are you in a bad mood after your child loses a competition? Do you put your dancer through her routine anytime you get the chance at home? Do you stand backstage every time your child performs?

 

 Some parents may try to instruct their children.  Salisbury recommends that dance teachers who see this happening explain to the parent that although they have good intentions and maybe even some good ideas, their instructions may contradict what the teacher is trying to accomplish and result in confusion for the dancer. Even telling children that they performed poorly is unadvisable. “If they have not performed well, they probably already know that,” Salisbury says. “Your reminding them may not be helpful.”

Dancers tend to be perfectionists, and Salisbury emphasizes that having fun is essential.  In the face of disappointment, he advises dancers to “keep the faith. You will never be perfect. Strive to be excellent, not perfect. You learn something from each performance. Listen to what the judges said on the tapes. What did they enjoy about your routine; what did they think could be better? The score is just the way those judges felt that day for that dance. You are not your performance!”

 

Performance can be greatly enhanced when a dancer or athlete is “in the flow,” or “in the zone.” In that state, they experience no fear of failure, total immersion in the performance, a narrow focus of attention, effortless performance, and a feeling of being in complete control.  Dancers who engage in negative thinking or set impossibly high standards for themselves make it difficult to get to that state.

 

Even when dancers succeed, they must keep their perspective; a runaway ego won’t do them much good. “Enjoy the moment,” Salisbury says. “Use the experience to become a better person and a better dancer. Train your mind to come back to this moment—remember the feelings you had, maybe even write them down.  Remembering how you felt when you were successful will allow you to revisit this feeling before you perform again. Try to re-create the moment each time you perform.”

 

According to Salisbury, achieving success and overcoming challenges boils down to good communication. “Teachers and parents must impart, inspire, monitor, clarify, and reinforce,” he insists. “We must impart information that is relevant to our dancers—have a mission, and outline strategies to fulfill it. By monitoring and

clarifying, we provide goals and offer feedback to children that will challenge them to become better dancers and better people. And teachers must reinforce behavior that they want repeated.” In other words, he says, “catch dancers doing something right!”

 

And don’t forget the power of passion. Without it, the positive effects of dance will be tempered. “We must inspire dancers to be the best they can be,” emphasizes Salisbury. “While being honest, sincere, tough, and fair, we must instill a sense of passion for what these children are working toward.

 

 

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